Falling in Love.

---Warning:  Now we're getting personal!!---  

I know, I know. You are probably thinking "Oh no, not again..." As most of you know, I've always been one to have long, serious relationships only to realize it's not right and exit quickly, leaving damage and confusion in many ways. A "serial dater" some may call it--always in a relationship. A "heart-breaker" others may call it. When I'm single, I'm single and crazy, and when I'm in a relationship, I'm fully committed and well-behaved. Too behaved, actually...I know, I know, I came to Korea to have my freedom and NOT to get into any relationships, but sometimes things happen unexpectedly.

Recently I met someone who I found to be one of the most interesting people I've ever met. That's why I knew it was love at first sight. Obviously, there is always that initial attraction that kind of draws you in and makes you interested in the person (same case here).  But then, once you start to spend time with that person, get to know them a little better, that's when the falling begins.  You see who they really are, beyond their appearance, and once you do that--well, you can really learn to love them.

So, "who's the lucky guy?", you must be wondering.  Well, it's not a guy...it's me! Yes, you read that correctly--me. I am falling in love with myself.  Again, as always, allow me to explain...

--------THEN----------

In the past, I've felt incapable of staying single (I swear I try, but men just seem to pounce once word is out that I'm single, and I don't do too much to stop it). Because of this, I've seemed to lose pieces of myself along the way. Now, don't get me wrong, I have dated some amazing people and learned a lot from each relationship that I've had.  However, because I try to give my all in a relationship, I end up neglecting myself. I get so caught up in becoming the "perfect" girl for someone, that I end up forgetting all the great things that make me, me, and end up extremely unhappy. I start to lose those idiosyncrasies that I've had since I was little, the things that allow there to only be one Tiffany Umin, a unique person. The saddest part is that I would rarely even see it happening. When you don't realize the problem, there's nothing you can do to fix it.

Example:  Recently we had an election. To be blunt, I wanted Obama to win and was afraid of what would happen to the country if Romney won instead.  Now, rewind this picture 4 years.  Four years ago, at this same time, I was VP of the College Republicans group, front-and-center at the Sarah Palin rally, and was freaking out because I thought Obama was part devil. Now, I'm not saying people with similar positions and views as mine back then were/are wrong or crazy--I feel everyone has a right to their own opinion (that's what makes this world so great) and I respect that.  What I AM saying is that at that time, if you would have asked me why I was voting for McCain or supporting the Republican party, I would not have been able to answer. I had no idea WHAT I thought or WHY I thought it. I had been so consumed in the person I was dating at the time, a lawyer-in-the-making and future politician (no, seriously), that I had felt it was my duty to make him and his family proud.  However, I had lost myself in this process.  Rather than being proud of myself for doing something I believed in, I was proud of myself for making others happy.  This, sadly, has been a pattern of mine.  I feel I have the ability to make anyone happy, anyone but myself.  But, all that is about to change...

---------NOW--------

Since I've come to Korea, my life has completely changed. I've been separated from the monotonous life I was living in the same place for so long--in the all-too-comfortable life that was too close to leading me to a future I'd someday despise.  I NEEDED this. I needed this separation and freedom, this exploration and change.

As previously mentioned, I recently saw someone who immediately interested me--it was myself.  Not the "self" I had shaped to fit someone else's mold, but my REAL "self". Since being in Korea, I've been able to re-meet this person.  Immediately when I started seeing her, I became interested and wanted to know her more. As time went on, little by little, I've been getting to know her even better (cue the confusion of my readers since I'm now speaking in 3rd person).  I'm really beginning to fall in love, a healthy love for once.  I'm falling in love with the person that I am--ME.  This experience in Korea has brought out a new perspective--one where I realize how fucking important (sorry Mom for the f-bomb) it is to BE ME, not be a version of myself. I feel alive--truly alive!! For once, I'm not depending on anyone else to hold me up, or tell me what to do, or try to do any of these things.  For once, I'm on my own--facing each day's challenges and experiences with open eyes and my own mind.  It feels great!  

You always hear people say how important it is to love yourself, to know yourself, to be true to yourself (now cue Shakespeare's quote from Hamlet).  However, this isn't easy.  Getting to know yourself is a process--just like getting to know someone else.  And, the process of falling in love with yourself is long and difficult as well.  We are always the first ones to be critical of the person that we are.  Since we're incapable of changing others, we are quick to change ourselves instead. It's a challenge, a really big challenge, but it truly is important.

I'm still growing and changing as a person, but I'm learning to love myself enough to let myself be who I really am.  It's always been a challenge for me, a BIG challenge, because I don't want to ever disappoint the people I care about the most (yes, my parents especially).  I feel that I've had the most amazing people in my life, and I never want to hurt them by not living up to their standards/expectations.  However, I'm slowly learning that as much as I love them and respect them, I MUST allow myself to be me--I know that's what they'd want anyways.  I MUST love and respect myself as much as I love and respect them, and to do that I must get over my fear of disappointing them in order to follow my own heart, beliefs, ideas, etc.  Now, this isn't easy, but I'm trying.  

-------RANDOM (it connects somehow)----------

Today, while watching a random movie on Korean tv, I heard a song by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I used to love this band. As nostalgia kicked in, I put on one of their albums and danced in my humble apartment while singing loudly. While flipping my topknot around, a certain song came on--it's called "Atrophy".  It stopped me in my tracks.  I had heard this song a million times over, but this time I really heard the song.  I listened to the lyrics which  really spoke to me. Who knew a TRJA song could be deep.  I'd like to share it with you, along with some of the lyrics because it applies to my recent realization of the life I was headed towards, the new life I'm living, and the new relationship I'm building with myself...here it is...oh, and don't forget to LoVe YoUrSeLf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Atrophy" Lyrics Video

Return to days when you knew you still felt alive.
Reveal the way you felt when you could look inside.

Take back'

The beat in your heart.

Reach out today, now I implore you, 
to remember who you are.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Never stop exploring!

Finally, Ohio does something GREAT!  So proud.  :)

Beautiful People.

Beauty, as we all know it, is in the eye of the beholder.

Now, I could rant and rave about how distorted our idea of beauty has become, but, in all fairness--it's true.  Our brains have become wired to immediately make a connection between the sign (as my Lit. professor would call it), aka word, "beauty," and the outer appearance of a person.  I'm not innocent when it comes to making this immediate connection.  Guilty as charged.  However, I've noticed lately that although my brain makes that connection, my heart doesn't.  Allow me to explain...

I am currently living in a country that puts a lot of emphasis and importance on outer beauty (but, don't they all!).  Example:  I found out that some of my junior high students wear wigs.  "Why!!??!!" I asked my co-teacher.  "Perfection," she replied.  A simple, honest, and normal answer to her. She went on to explain that some girls want long, straight, perfect hair; so, they wear wigs.  Did I mention that I work at an all girls' school...one where they all wear uniforms?  I remember that for a majority of my senior year of hs, I wore over-sized sweat pants and sweatshirts that my college football friends had given me.  What a difference.  It's also still unusual for me to walk outside at night, even during the week, and see girls in the dressiest blouses and skirts, high high heels, perfect hair and makeup, etc.  Now, please don't take this in the wrong way.  I'm not saying it as a negative aspect of Korean culture, I'm just pointing out a difference that has been difficult to get used to.  Also, I'm pointing out how I'm surrounded by some of the most beautiful (outer-beauty wise) people I've ever seen (females AND males--yes, the men here are these perfectly-dressed, attractive beings.)


Along with being surrounded by the outer beauty of others, almost every day, someone tells me I'm beautiful.  Even if I'm grouchy, tired, and stressed, it still happens.  Why?  Because to a Korean, I look different.  I'm blonde-haired, blue-eyed, American, etc.  Some people take pictures, some people stop and stare, and some just say "beautiful".  Though this sounds great, it really isn't.  Ok, maybe for the first few weeks it's flattering and confidence-boosting, but then it kind of makes you think.  What IS beauty?  I look at the same Koreans telling me that I'm beautiful, and think that they are equally, if not more, beautiful.  It's this weird moment when the idea of beauty, something you think you know, becomes distant, confusing, and less "special".     

My confusion with beauty has been an on-going feat for a long time, especially during my time here in Korea.  However, in the last few weeks, this idea of "BeAuTy" has become a lot less blurry and a lot more clear. Again, let me explain why...

-------Beautiful People Part 1--------

I went to Lotte Mart (think Wal-Mart x 10) to get a few things.  I left with a big, heavy bag and a large box at around 8pm.  While wobbling home, I decided to stop at one of my favorite little food places.  It's a small open window connected to a small, bright room.  Behind the window is a woman, maybe in her 50's, who makes "special toast".  As always, she greeted me with a smile.  After placing my order (chicken toast), she motioned for me to come into the room and set my bag and box down since I was obviously struggling with carrying it.  I walked into the room full of middle school boys, uniformed and tired since they had spent all day at school.  They were watching a baseball game on tv while chatting in quiet Korean.  As I stood in the room, I watched the woman making numerous sandwiches on the grill.  She began to make mine--placed the metal square on the grill, cracked an egg into a small cup, gave it a quick whip, gently rubbed some melted butter on the metal square, dumped the egg in, placed the bread onto the grill, turned on the gas burner beside the grill, placed the chicken into the pan on the burner, etc.  While doing this, she was still flipping the bread for the students' sandwiches, placed the ham on, then the sliced cabbage, a few pickle slices, some sauce, etc.  She glanced over at the tired boys, walked to the fridge, poured them small cups of Coke, placed them on a tray, and then slid the tray to the boys.  The boys' faces lit up--this was obviously not part of their usual meal, just a special treat.  

It was at this moment that my eyes started to tear up.  There was something so genuine, graceful, and beautiful about this woman.  She managed to handle a stressful task calmly, was considerate of my well-being despite the language barrier, and she had a deep, unspoken compassion for the young boys which she showed through her small, but generous gift to them.  This beauty--this internal, truly good beauty--is what brought me to tears.  This woman was sharing her beauty with others without wanting anything, not even slight recognition, in return.  In this moment, I was moved, inspired, and thankful to have seen a glimpse of, and been reminded of, what TRUE beauty is.

-------Beautiful People Part 2--------

On another occasion, I witnessed truly beautiful people, but in a much different way than the first.  It all started when my friend George asked if I'd like to go check out the opening night of BIFF -- the Busan International Film Festival.  Of course, I jumped on the idea and headed out. I went to grab some hot noodle soup at a small restaurant near Haeundae Beach.  While eating, I noticed that there was some red carpet event on the small tv across from me.  As I watched closely, I realized it was BIFF!  They were having a full-on red carpet event (very Grammy-esque).  Now, mind you, I'm sitting, slurping down messy noodles while wearing black pants and an over-sized white sweatshirt with a cartoon man's face on it--not exactly red carpet attire. Despite my ridiculous wardrobe, I met my friends and ventured over to the BIFF building in Centum City.  When we got there, the event was over, but there were still lots of news stations with cameras and a small crowd.  George  decided to wander into the building to get his press badge while my friend John and I waited patiently.  Well, I noticed that some man and woman, dressed impeccably, had come out of the building and people were getting pictures with them.  "They must be important!" I childishly thought and went over to get a picture with them.  Come to find out, it was Benito Bautista and Emma Francisco, the director and script consultant of a BIFF film titled, Harana (English translation:  Serenade).  They explained to us that the film was a documentary about the lost art of Filipino serenade--how in the past, men would come to a woman's house in the middle of the night and serenade her with music to profess his love.  In the film, a Filipino native hunts for the masters of the art of "harana" so they can play and record some of the beautiful, original songs of harana together.  Intrigued at the film's concept, and surprised by the humble attitude of this lovely couple, I knew I had to see the film.

And so I did!  Let's just say, 5am is an early time to get up and get ready to stand in line to see a film.  But, it was worth it!  The documentary was incredible.  It made me laugh, cry, melt, etc.  Each scene was beautifully shot, the music was chilling in a good way, and the story was beyond touching.  Watching these older men, men who used to be such great, true lovers and musicians in their time, follow their dreams years later and sharing their culture and music with a younger generation--it was...inspiring!  After the film, I was able to learn a lot more about these men and the experience of making the film through the Q&A session with Benito, and also by discussing it with Benito and Emma after the Q&A session.  On top of it all, I was able to meet two of the musicians at a concert that was held later as a special BIFF event.  I heard them perform and then talked to them afterward.  They were great!  


While at the concert, I saw Benito and Emma again.  Emma came up and hugged me, while kindly thanking me for coming.  There was something so genuine and sweet about this couple--Emma and Benito.  The way he passionately discussed the documentary, and the way she quietly but positively supported it as well--it was sincere.  True sincerity is rare, in my opinion. I may not know these two, or their relationship, but there seemed to be a strong, compassionate love between them along with a true sincerity in the way they worked, in the way they met and treated people, in they way they just were.  I felt so incredibly blessed to have had met such amazing people and to have seen such real BEAUTY. These two, to me, were truly beautiful people.

-------Beautiful People Part 3--------

Last but not least, I found true beauty (along with a hellllllll of a lot of other things) in a place I least expected:  Eden, a Japanese film about transvestites.  As always, allow me to explain... :)


A few of my friends and I have been eager to see another BIFF film before the festival is over.  However, due to the ridiculously long list of films, it's been difficult to pick and choose while coordinating times, etc.  So, when my friend Bryan made a post about seeing this film called Eden, I was in! I didn't know much about it, but I knew it must be interesting in one way or another to be in BIFF at all.

Well, "interesting" would be a very mild word to describe the film.  The opening scene took place in a small club with a few Japanese transvestites practicing their lip-syncing performance.  The bright colors, feather boas, and giant heels made it difficult to concentrate on the English subtitles--so it was a struggle at first.  It had a bit of a comedic tone to it, until one of the transvestites dies in a friend's bed in the second scene due to heart failure.  Soooooo, I had no idea what to expect next. 

In the end, the film was a journey.  It made me laugh, cry, contemplate life, question beauty and perspective, etc.--the things normal films never make you do.  There was one scene that spoke to me in particular, when the group of transvestites had banded together to take the body of their deceased trans friend to his/her parents (who had originally refused to bury the body in their family plot due to the sexuality issue). As the father and son angrily shooed the friends away, the mother ran out to the coffin, crying hysterically, telling her son/daughter how beautiful they were.  This tugged at my heart, intensely.  It was a moment when even the most conservative of conservatives was able to see past surface issues and look into the true beauty of person and find love for them. This moment not only spoke to me  personally, but made me really question the idea of beauty.  I may not always know what beauty is, but I do know what beauty is NOT. Beauty is not what a person does to change their outer appearance, it's not choices they make that some may agree or disagree with, and it's NOT feeling like you aren't good enough because you are different.  Beauty comes from within a person--it's always there, it's just US who make it invisible. It's the ones who refuse to see past outer appearances/decisions who are truly blind to real beauty.   

As I watched the film, these oddly-dressed, over-makeuped, flamboyantly flamboyant transvestites, who at first may have seemed as far from beautiful as possible, slowly became some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. It's not because they changed throughout the film, it's because I changed throughout the film.  I was able to see past my judgmental blinders, and see into their hearts--which is where beauty is. I would say, to say the least, that this film has served its purpose.  It opened my eyes and made me think about my perception and ability to see beauty--I'm thankful for that.

------------------------------------------------------

I'm really starting to view beauty in a different way, and I hope that this change continues.  I'm not going to lie, it's extremely difficult to see past a person's outer appearance, especially when that's what you've done for so long.  But, I think it's possible.  I think that meeting truly beautiful people is a great reminder of what beauty really is and where it comes from.  It's just up to me now to remember that.  :)

Fireworks in Seoul

Palace in Seoul

Palace in Seoul

beautiful lanterns in Jinju

quiet happiness :)

Filipino musicians from the documentary, Harana (Serenade)

tower in Busan

lanterns at Jinju lantern festival

Meeting Benito, the director of Harana, in my ridiculous sweatshirt.

Me, Benito, my friend Elaine, and Emma!

The Little Things.

From a young age, we believe that life is full of dramatic, emotional moments that will be the things we remember most. I'm finding that though those significant moments do indeed shape us, the smaller, more overlooked aspects of life are the ones that we'll remember the most.  I look back at my 25 years and I can see how important events changed my thinking, emotions, relationships, etc. But, for some reason, there are numerous small, seemingly less significant, moments that I remember in such specific detail--why?  Maybe it's because those smaller moments are the ones that are slowly, but surely, changing our emotions in a more permanent way rather than a sudden, temporary emotional effect.  Or, maybe it's because those small moments are the aftermath of significant events in which we change and grow progressively with the people around us.  I really am not sure, though I bet there has to be some study that can provide an answer more thoroughly than one I can come up with.  Nevertheless, I'm learning that it's important to value those little details of life, not overlook them, because they ARE important.  

When I decided to move to South Korea, one thing stuck out in my mind:  the expectation of having exciting, significant, life-changing moments throughout my experience--those being what I would learn from the most.  Well, when I ended up with a sore throat and ridiculous allergies my first few weeks in, that fantasy was crushed and reality set in.  While my friends were meeting for dinner, I was stuck at home with a wad of scented, snotty toilet paper, a cup of hot tea, and a tv complete with 50 channels all in a language I don't speak/understand.  On top of all this, I went to message my friend on facebook and at the top of the webpage was a picture of my ex-boyfriend's new, adorable baby. Seriously?  Nothing like kicking someone when they're already down.  This is when something happened!...

At this moment, I went into a totally dramatic "Why me? My life sucks!" mode. Embarrassed as I am to admit it, it is true. Hey, we can't all be rational 100% of the time, right?  Well, thankfully I had one of my friends there with me who listened as I blabbed on about the situation and why I was so distraught over it.  As I impatiently waited for his comfort and support, he remained silent.  What?!?! Why wasn't he giving me some emotional backing-up? Uh, how dare he!  "What do you think?" I asked. He hinted that what he had to say wasn't very kind. "Be honest with me, please" I insisted.  Still expecting some agreement with my sob story, I egged him on until he shared his thoughts. "I think you're being dramatic", he said.  MEEEEE!?!?!  DRAMATIC!?!?! What!?!?! He continued to explain, in a more eloquent way than I can, that sometimes things happen and you just have to move on and let them go. He also pointed out that letting it affect me emotionally wasn't letting it go.  Hmmmmm.  Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Wow, he was right. At that instant, I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was purposefully putting myself into the "leading lady" role of someone else's drama.  I was also letting something that doesn't really matter to me, matter just because I thought it should.  Right then and there my emotions changed. 

This is when I realized something--sometimes we are trained to think that these big, dramatic events should be the ones that have the most significant effect on us, but that's not true.  There were so many other smaller things going on in my life that were having a bigger effect on me and my emotions.  It didn't matter that I had been emotionally affected by these people and situations in the past--that was the past. Because of holding onto my past, I had continued to keep a wall up to keep my emotions safe.  However, I realized that a wall won't protect me from the pain of my past--moving on will. I hadn't realized this until now.  Now, I had a new chapter of my life with people who I really started to care about.  Letting go of things that happened in the past was the only way to be able to open myself up for the things of the present/future.  I guess I just needed a little verbal butt-kicking to make me realize all of these things. :)  

I really am beginning to love my new friends and life in Korea, and not because we have a bunch of crazy, exciting events happening, but because of the little things.  Here are a few SMALL  things that seem to make me happier than any big, exciting event thus far:

• Katie and her broken, almost folded-in-half umbrella--she can't part with it, even if it doesn't keep her dry, because...it's pink.  Also, Katie's excitement when she found "porridge" at Costco--like finding a long, lost lover!
• Fran's ability to be absolutely crazy and free-spirited while still being the smartest  one around!  :)  
•  When someone wakes up and brings me a glass of water, even though I know they're thirsty too, just because they're considerate.
• When Matty sings the "I Want to be a Dinosaur" song with his British accent, hah!
• When Tonya says "I've never had it" and I say "Yes you have!" and she just smiles, doesn't get mad.  Or, when Tonya and I both think of the Green Tea Frappaccino from Starbucks at the same time and get big smiles on our faces without having to say a word.
• When Katie and I imitate Graham's "FOOOOOOD" and "go-to" face
• When Daniel never ceases to do something surprising while out--a Hawaiian traditional dance in front of everyone at the beach, a dance-off with Koreans at Ho Bar, etc.
• When Alex says something and his hair moves at the same time with his grin, almost like he's animated.  Gets me every time! ... "Eggshellent!"
• When my co-teacher leans over to tell me something serious, and says that every month he buys 50 giant water bottles, so if there's a zombie attack, I can come to his place to survive.
• When me and three of the other Korean teachers sit and drink coffee together after lunch and chat about makeup and men while trying to de-code each other's language.
• When students bow to me then realize I'm American so they say Hi at the same time--adorable.
• Changing my voice so it sounds like either a cat or dog on my Kakao talk with my sister--she was soooo freaked out!...It's so Korean!
• Having to go to school , though no students are there, during a typhoon--insanity!

So, as I'm learning, it's important to focus on the present, not expect big events to be the only things that effect you, and place a little more value on the smaller moments that may be more significant than you think.

Expecting the Unexpected.

As we get older and have more experiences, we learn new lessons--gradually of course.  One of the lessons I have learned, time and time again, is that life is full of unexpected moments.  No matter how much we try to prepare ourselves for any and all situations, we'll always get thrown a curve ball that takes us by such surprise that we can in no way bat it away, but rather must take the strike instead.  Or, in some instances, that curve ball is just what we needed:  to get a home run, an unexpected but much enjoyed home run.  My short time in South Korea has only proven my point further. 

----------Sunday-------------

Take for instance my experience on Sunday. I woke up late, then ended up unexpectedly Skyping with my friend Marcos. Marcos always seems to have the ability to be encouraging and lift my spirits at just the right moment.  I love him for this and many other reasons. Though my conversation with Marcos was great, it made me late for my plans (or lack of them) to explore Korea. It was worth it, of course, but when my friend Graham showed up and wondered when we were leaving (Eeeeekkkk, I wasn't ready) I realized that the unexpected events in my life affect other people too.  At the last minute, we chose a temple name, googled the subway and bus info and went on our way, hoping we would end up somewhere worthwhile.  

An hour later, we were here...

Now, I wish I could describe how incredibly beautiful this place was.  However, I believe the English language (along with my own mind) lacks the ability to provide words elegant and meaningful enough to fully convey this experience.  I apologize in advance for my inadequate depiction and descriptions....

It was one of those moments that you know will afterwards feel as if it was a dream--unrealistically incredible.  It was a cool, lightly breezy evening.  The waves were crashing against the rocks with power and grace, which was blended only with the light sound of quiet Korean voices.  Accompanying the sound, was a strong structural contrast of hard, solid rocks with fragile ancient temples.  The details were impeccable--colorful designs, massive gold Buddhas, and delicate paper laterns. All of these things blended together to make one of the most beautiful and serene environments I have ever been in.  All of this, again, was experienced due to a series of unexpected events. 

-----------Monday-Wednesday---------------

After an incredible weekend, it was difficult to get myself out of bed and embark on a full day of work--ugh!  The Koreans asked me if we had an English word for when it's Monday and you feel crappy because you DON'T want to be working.  I had no response because, well, it was Monday morning and my coffee intake was at 0%--point proven that every culture feels the same way about Mondays!! Anyways, after finally having some coffee, I was able to pep up enough to teach my well-planned (so I thought) lessons.  However, nothing went as planned!  The higher-level students were too advanced for their lesson and the lower-level students didn't understand a lick of what I was saying.  I had failed! Given my personality, I am not good with failure.  I sometimes expect perfection out of myself (I know, an unrealistic expectation, but just the way I am).  Rather than the failure being punishment, I get quite down on myself about not being able to succeed--I'm my own worst enemy/critic (insert cheesy 90's Lit song that has no correlation).  Yes, I am aware that teaching a 45-minute lesson to a class of 40 students who don't speak English is not an easy task. However, I didn't EXPECT my attempt at it to go so wrong! Ugh.  Feeling (excuse my language) shitty about myself and my abilities as a teacher, I moped home, defeated.  

Thankfully, I have AMAZING FRIENDS!  How my friends made my week less crappy:

• On Monday night, at kind of the last minute, I met my friend Alex to go look at guitars.  To make a long story short, an hour later we both left with brand new, amazing Korean guitars! (Completely unexpected!)  We messed around with a few while we were there, but we both found one that hit the right chord (haha, corny, I know) for each of us.  I always said I'd never buy a colored guitar, but when I started playing this black one, I knew it was the one.  It's solid wood, smooth, has a natural tone, etc. etc.  Thanks goes to Alex for being patient with me and letting me tag along on this adventure.  Also thanks to the shop owner's son for speaking clear English and adding a bunch of extras/goodies!

• On Tuesday night, I was really feeling down about my lessons--trying to re-do them and again, feeling defeated because they didn't go as planned. That's when my Superhero friend Graham stepped in. He messaged me a link, and when I clicked on it, the following picture of Hemingway came up. This was unexpected, but EXACTLY what I needed. :) Uh, I have the BEST friends!!

--------------Last Thoughts--------------

So, as my week has proven:  you should always expect the unexpected (quite redundant, yet true).  When you're sitting at your desk and notice the Korean teacher fast asleep on her computer beside you, don't be surprised.  When you meet a random foreigner near the crosswalk who offers you some vitamins, don't be surprised.  When your co-teachers gives you homemade rice cakes with honey and they taste like heaven,don't be surprised.  Or, when things don't go as well as you built them up in your head, don't get too down about it--instead, let the unexpected push you to learn, do better, and enjoy how unpredictable life is.  When put into perspective, if things had gone as planned, I'd be in a committed, unhealthy relationship right now while still living in Ohio rather than living my DrEaMs...

Last year, around this time, I was sitting on a beach in Busan, South Korea with my friend Adam.  It had taken us all day, sweating through 2 sets of clothes, to find the beach.  When we finally got there, I remember discussing how incredible it was, and how I'd love to come back again, for a longer period of time, but I didn't think it would ever happen.  Now, I go to the beach in Busan, South Korea every weekend, because it DID happen!!!!

So, DON"T be afraid of the UnExPeCtEd!!!!  Expect the unexpected, and do it with open arms! You may be surprised what can happen :)

A Different World

First of all, let me apologize for waiting so long to post an update.  My life has been flipped and twisted in the last few weeks, creating a whirlwind of changes.  Allow me to explain...

THE PLANE RIDES

To start off my journey to Korea, I was already a bag of nerves.  Not only was I going to a foreign country to live and work on my own for a year, but I was leaving the people I love the most behind.  Can you say DIFFICULT!?!  I tried to contain my emotions so I could stay strong through the long journey.  Well, 5 minutes onto my first flight (from Charlotte to LA) a man a few rows in front of me had a minor heart attack.  A woman started screaming "Emergency! We need a paramedic!!!"  Next, she was saying his breathing was slowing and he was turning blue.  They layed him down and proceeded to give him CPR while putting the AED machine on him.  Thankfully, a few people of the plane knew CPR because they had to do it for about half an hour before the paramedics arrived.  Being the person that I am, I began to cry and pray, hoping that the man would be ok.  It seemed like the CPR worked and he started breathing again.  So, they took him off of the flight an hour later. Once the flight took off, it was about 10pm.  In order to sleep on my next 13 hour flight, I tried to stay awake during the next 5 hours.  The plane was dark, everyone was sleeping, there were no TVs or music, and I was left awake in my seat contemplating whether I'd make my next flight in time or not.  My stomach was in knots after what happened and after not knowing what would happen next.

Once arriving in LA, I got lost in the huge airport.  Every worked I asked questions to seemed to give me conflicting answers.  I did, however, find out that my plane would be taking off from 2 building away.  I went to the transfer buses and a kind man offered to take me there.  Once there, construction stalled me finding an entrance door.  I went inside and a worker helped me to desk for check-in.  The woman scanned my passport then told me I wasn't booked on their flight!  We realized that the worker had led me to the wrong check-in desk and that my check-in desk was two long rows away.  I finally found it only to see a sign that said "GATE CLOSED" for the flight I needed.  I told the woman and she was thankfully able to sign me in, then said "You must run quickly!"  I tried to get through security, sweating at this point and looking guilty of something (though the only thing I was guilty of was being more panicked than a person should be).  Once through security, the same woman from the check-in desk runs by me and yells "Hurry, you must run!  The plane is leaving!" Ahhhhhhh!  In many movies, you see people running through airports--it's romantic and whimsical.  THESE MOVIES LIE!  Running through the airport is one of the most frustrating, stressful things I have ever done.  Did I mention that I was sweating and had a sweater that insisted on shedding and causing fuzzies to stick to my neck, face, and mouth???  Ugh.  Also, the terminal I was running to just so happened to be at the very end of the building!  Thankfully (yes, I was literally thanking God!) I was able to run and jump on the bus at the very last second to take us to the plane.  I was crammed into the bus with a bunch of Asian people--my sweatiness, fuzz-covered body and all.  

After calming myself down, and being served delicious Korean food, I was able to re-group.  Stuck in the middle seat of the middle section of my 13 hour flight, I was too happy to just be on it so it didn't even both me.  I must say a GIANT THANKS to my mom and dad for buying me Bose noise-cancelling headphones for my birthday.  These alone allowed me to fall asleep for long periods on the plane despite the fact that the man beside me decided he slept best when his head was on my shoulder.  Uh, is there really a plane where you DON'T feel uncomfortable?  (Maybe first class???)

Once arriving in Seoul, I met another person who was part of the my recruited group of teachers.  He was kind and soft-spoken and make me feel at ease.  He showed me where to convert my money (though most of the airport was closed since it was about 4am Korean time) and shared his excitement about the upcoming experience.  This, followed by a 1 hour plane ride with few people on and lots of space, helped me reassure myself that the choice to come to Korea was the right one.

ORIENTATION

I had finally arrived in Korea!  I met my recruiter Alistair (who, let me tell you, is probably the best recruiter in the world!!!!) along with some other teachers. We also waited for another teacher, Tonya, to arrive.  Once I met Tonya, I knew we'd be friends.  She was sweet, freckly-faced, an experienced teacher, and you could tell she had an amazing heart.  Later, we were roomed together which I was happy about.  That night, 4 or so of us went to have our first meal in Korea...and it was Indian food!  (our recruiter suggested it, so we listened).  Not exactly what you'd expect, but it was delicious.  The next morning we met most of the other teachers.  They were great--so many different personalities!!!  After meeting everyone, we packed up our million pieces of luggage and headed to our next hotel.  This is where we would be staying for a week.

When we got to our new, temporary home, I was roomed with Kristi, a woman living in Charlotte, NC (just like me)!!!  I was nervous because I had become so comfortable with Tonya and wasn't sure if Kristi and I would click.  Boyyyy was I wrong!  Kristi and I laughed harder than I have in a lonnnnng time.  I would go to my room at night, exhausted and ready for sleep, but stay up for hours talking and laughing--especially about men!  We both had been in relationships with people who didn't seem to deserve us (I apologize if this sounds conceited or self-absorbed, but if you do or did know the situations, you would completely agree).  It was nice and refreshing to spend time with someone who could not only make me laugh, but had a big heart too!  I remember one of the first things she said to me was, "I hope you're not a light sleeper because I snore!"  My response, "Ohhhh Lord!"  :)  

The week of orientation was such a bonding experience for all of the teachers.  We sat through, what seemed like, endless seminars, then spent our nights talking on the rooftop or learning Gangnam Style (see link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0&feature=player_detailpage) at Ho Bar from crazy Korean dancers.  At one point, some Koreans pulled me onto the dance floor.  "Where are you from?" they asked. "America!" I replied. "Ohhhh, American Star" they said and started dancing around me.  I think I could get used to this!  Another cool thing we did at the end of the week was go on a cultural experience trip (eco-friendly tourists).  We visited some museums (at one, I started to get low blood sugar and had to sit and eat a granola bar then go get fresh air, ugh).  At one point, we went to "Lego City"--a cultural village with traditional arts.  We designed tie-dye silk scarves and used natural ingredients to dye them.  This was such a cool experience!  By the end of the week, I felt like I had gained knowledge of teaching in Korea and a group of really great new friends!

FIRST NIGHT ALONE...EEK!

Now, I've kind of lived on my own before.  Granted, I did have the most amazing roommate ever--Mr. Adam Houser, but it was somewhat like living on my own.  But, let me tell you, living on your own in a foreign country is much different.  On Friday of last week, I was separated from all of my new friends. I had grown so attached to them and wasn't sure when I would see them again. Next, I was greeted by my "co-teacher" whose first question was "Where will you sleep tonight?"  "In my apartment, right?"  "No.  The other teacher is there.  Do you know of a motel?"   Ahh, I wanted to scream!  Motel!?!  How would I know of a motel, lady, I don't live here!!  On top of it all, we visited the apartment I would get to live in soon and dropped my luggage off.  I was supposed to ask many questions about how to work the hot water, AC, etc.  When I asked her one question she said "I don't know."  That's it!  "I don't know!"  Uh, hello.  If you don't know then how in the world am I going to know!!!???!!!  We proceeded to go to the school, which just so happens to be almost across the street from the apartment (yay, finally good news!).  I finally met the girl whose place I would be taking.  I think she was a guardian angel.  She was soooooo kind---I'm talking guardian freaking angel!  She not only explained the school to me, but she also took me to the apartment and showed me how everything works, she left me great things (hair dryer, toaster oven, toaster, food, etc.), she took me to get a subway pass and showed me how the subway system works, she GAVE me her old phone and helped me get a pre-paid activation until I get a plan, etc.  I could NOT have survived in Korea without her!!!!  Thank you Michaela Scott!!!!

After a long day, I walked with my co-teacher to find a motel.  Oddly enough, I was put in a love motel--a cheap place where most people go to just have sex for the night (in a nutshell).  It was smelly, dirty, and had 2 toothbrushes,  a razor, and a condom on the counter.  I sat on the bed and cried--hysterically cried.  It wasn't that I had a bad day, it was that everything seemed so overwhelming.  I had been separated from people who finally felt familiar, I had an overload of information I was trying to process in order to survive, my luggage was at the apartment while I was at a scary motel, and I felt so alone.  I am usually pretty strong and don't let my emotions get to me, but I couldn't help it.  I just broke down.  I tried to pull myself together and just get out of the motel.  I walked to Lotte Mart to eat some food.  I was so upset I couldn't even eat.  Thank goodness I was able to pick up wireless at Lotte Mart.  I got online and saw that some of my new friends were getting together that night.  I emailed one of my friends, Graham, in desperation of needing someone, and rushed over to find my friends.  After getting lost on the subway, I finally found the hotel.  After a while, more people arrive.  Next thing I know, here comes Daniel with a bottle of Jameson.  Another angel?  We sat in John's room, sharing a mug of Jameson to soothe our nerves.  This is what I needed :)  After our evening of talking and listening to Daniel do a personalized Borat impression for each of us (probably the funniest thing I've ever heard) I had to leave.  I was dreading, completely and utterly dreading, going back to the motel.  I was alone, and I didn't see anyone else but the worker.  Would I be safe?  Would I start crying again?  I just didn't want to be alone.  Thankfully I had become close to my new friend Graham.  Being the gentleman that he is, he came back with me and stayed in the motel with me on my first night so I wouldn't have to be alone (this was a platonic motel stay, nothing more).  It meant so much to me to have so many people there to support and encourage each other (especially since I really needed it!).  

SETTLING IN

The next day, I was able to finally get into my new apartment.  It was being cleaned though, so I dropped some stuff off (finally leaving the love motel) and went to run errands with Graham.  We decided to meet some of our other friends at a Korean baseball game!  It was CrAzY!!!! We ate fried chicken (most people buy fried chicken and bring it into the game--so on the way to the game the streets are lined with fried chicken stands!).  Then, near the end of the game, they hand out bright orange grocery bags.  As I watched, 100s by 100s of people started to fill their bag with air and then attach it to their heads.  So, in order to experience Korean culture (if this counts), we did as well!  Sitting with a blown-up grocery bag on my head while watching baseball is an experience I am not sure I'd want to do every weekend, but it was fun!

After the game, a group of us met up with some others at Wolfgang Bar in Haeundae.  This bar is a foreigner bar, meaning many foreigners in the area go there--so we weren't the only "foreigners" there!  Being the cheapskate that I am, I wouldn't buy any drinks ($10 for  sangria, uh NO!).  I waited for a bit then some of us walked over to Haeundae Beach, picking up wine and snacks on the way, to celebrate Alex and I'd belated birthdays (we are 2 days apart and had our birthdays right before we came to Korea).  Once on the beach, we realized that the wine was a corked, not twist-top.  Using keys and a pen, we managed to open it.  Alex and I went and stood in the ocean and drank our wine, toasting to us being in Korea !!  We both leaned over for something and got splashed by a giant wave (he was pretty soaked, I managed to stay somewhat dry).  We drank our wine and ate some then headed back to Wolfgang to meet the others.  There, we danced all night (dancing to Spice Girls at 2am in Korea is not too shabby!).  WHAT-A-NIGHT! i seriously love all my new friends--they're great!

THE JOB

So, after a great weekend, I started my job on Monday.  It is awesome!  It has a very relaxed schedule--I teach no more than 4 classes per day, sometimes one of them being a Teachers' Workshop where other teachers and I discuss English and American-based topics.  I work at YuRak Girls' Middle School.  In Korea, Middle School includes grades 7th, 8th, and 9th.  The girls are girls--no matter what country you're in, girls are having awkward changes and usually emotional and/or talkative.  But, these girls seem extremely smart and sweet.  I am excited to get to know them.  I only see each class once per week since the school is so big.  I believe I have 7 co-teachers, meaning throughout the week I will be teaching with 7 different teachers.  I teach 7th grade (here it's called 1st grade) and 9th grade (3rd grade).  There are A, B, C levels of each class (A being the most proficient in English, C the lowest).  Technically, I'll only being making 2 lessons per week, but I will have to alter the lessons to fit each learning level.

The co-teachers seem really kind.  The main co-teacher (the one I met in the beginning who frustrated me) is actually the representative of the English department.  Though I was afraid at first, I think she is starting to warm up to me.  She is super nice and had done a lot to help me out.  Her English is pretty good and she is funny too.  I think I'm really going to like her, along with the other teachers.  There is only one male English teacher out of all the others.  His American name is James and he is young.  I think we'll go hang out sometime so he can practice English and I can learn Korean.  He is new to this area and wants to make friends so I'll probably introduce him to my other foreigner friends.  

Since there are 7 periods total, and I only teach 4, I spend lots of time at my desk planning.  This schedule is much different than my 12 hour, 7 days per week Korean summer camp schedule.  THANK GOODNESS!  I am thankful that I'll have time to really put thought and effort into my lessons and grading.  I hope this will be a great year!

NEW HOME 

I have finally settled into my apartment.  It is small and much different than American apartments.  The bedroom and kitchen are all one studio room and then the bathroom is separate.  Thanks to the teacher before me, I have awesome wallpaper, beautiful curtains, and bedding!  I'm still trying to get used to turning on the water heater before I shower and turning on the gas before I cook.  I don't have an oven, just a stove and toaster oven.  Also, as all Korean-style houses are, you have to leave your shoes off when you walk in and then step up into the apartment.  The bathroom is also Korean style--it is just big and open and everything in it gets wet since there isn't separation for the shower.  I am have BIG WINDOWS with beautiful glass in them on one of my main walls (yay!!!) so I get a lot of natural light.  The curtains have two parts--one sheet, cool-designed set, and one dark blue set.  So during the day, I leave the sheet ones closed so a golden light comes in with still having privacy.  Then, at night I shut the big blue ones so I have lots of privacy. Oh, did I mention that I'm about a block from a big department store and the subway!?!  My area doesn't have a lot of restaurants or shopping, but it has the essentials and is close to many other areas.  The subway here is super cheap--about $1.00 (1,400w) to go anywhere!  So, I can visit friends and/or the beach easily.  There are many places I want to visit.  Right now, I have a sore throat, so once I get over it (which may take going to the doctor) then I'll explore more.

Korean life and culture is very different than American life and culture.  But, I really am enjoying it.  There is so much we can learn from experiencing a different way of life.  I am beyond thankful to have been able to make this dream a reality and to be given this opportunity.  I know this adventure will NOT be easy--each day I face new challenges and sometimes feel I can't overcome them.  Being the outside is not easy.  But, I'm going to stay strong and push through.  I'm going to step outside of my comfort zone and do things I normally wouldn't--I'm in Korea and I want to experience all of it! I hope I will learn in grow in ways that I never knew I could.

I will be posting pictures soon, and keep checking in to see updates and more crazy Korean stories!  Take care <3

Only the Beginning.

Hello everyone!

Soon, I will be beginning a new chapter in my life--moving to Busan, South Korea for a full year to teach English.  Did I mention that I'm doing this alone?  :P  In order to share stories, updates and more throughout my journey, I've created this blog to keep you all informed.  (note: check out my facebook for pictures and short updates, and this for more personal stories and detailed updates)

----

This past year has been quite a journey for me. I moved out on my own, fell in love, had my heart broken, learned how to be a good (and bad) friend, and realized that my students were just as capable of teaching me lessons about life as I was to them. On top of many other struggles, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life--choosing to leave the most perfect job to pursue an unwritten and no-guarantee path. Though some may think I'm crazy for doing so, I felt it was the right decision for me. Sometimes, you just have to follow your instincts.  I mean, they're there for a reason, right?  Yes, I am going to miss my students and colleagues more than I can put into words (especially my cheerleaders!!!), but I am excited to see what the next 12 months bring!
----
Ok, so I'm sure you're wondering what's with the title of this blog. Well, I was greatly inspired by a story (Are you surprised? I'm an English teacher!). When I heard this story, 
it made me stop and realize one of the most important lessons in life: we can CHOOSE what type of person we are and become--it all depends on which one we feed...
...................................................................................

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

................................................................................