The One I Feed.: October 2012

Beauty, as we all know it, is in the eye of the beholder.

Now, I could rant and rave about how distorted our idea of beauty has become, but, in all fairness--it's true. Our brains have become wired to immediately make a connection between the sign (as my Lit. professor would call it), aka word, "beauty," and the outer appearance of a person. I'm not innocent when it comes to making this immediate connection. Guilty as charged. However, I've noticed lately that although my brain makes that connection, my heart doesn't. Allow me to explain...

I am currently living in a country that puts a lot of emphasis and importance on outer beauty (but, don't they all!). Example: I found out that some of my junior high students wear wigs. "Why!!??!!" I asked my co-teacher. "Perfection," she replied. A simple, honest, and normal answer to her. She went on to explain that some girls want long, straight, perfect hair; so, they wear wigs. Did I mention that I work at an all girls' school...one where they all wear uniforms? I remember that for a majority of my senior year of hs, I wore over-sized sweat pants and sweatshirts that my college football friends had given me. What a difference. It's also still unusual for me to walk outside at night, even during the week, and see girls in the dressiest blouses and skirts, high high heels, perfect hair and makeup, etc. Now, please don't take this in the wrong way. I'm not saying it as a negative aspect of Korean culture, I'm just pointing out a difference that has been difficult to get used to. Also, I'm pointing out how I'm surrounded by some of the most beautiful (outer-beauty wise) people I've ever seen (females AND males--yes, the men here are these perfectly-dressed, attractive beings.)

Along with being surrounded by the outer beauty of others, almost every day, someone tells me I'm beautiful. Even if I'm grouchy, tired, and stressed, it still happens. Why? Because to a Korean, I look different. I'm blonde-haired, blue-eyed, American, etc. Some people take pictures, some people stop and stare, and some just say "beautiful". Though this sounds great, it really isn't. Ok, maybe for the first few weeks it's flattering and confidence-boosting, but then it kind of makes you think. What IS beauty? I look at the same Koreans telling me that I'm beautiful, and think that they are equally, if not more, beautiful. It's this weird moment when the idea of beauty, something you think you know, becomes distant, confusing, and less "special".

My confusion with beauty has been an on-going feat for a long time, especially during my time here in Korea. However, in the last few weeks, this idea of "BeAuTy" has become a lot less blurry and a lot more clear. Again, let me explain why...

-------Beautiful People Part 1--------

I went to Lotte Mart (think Wal-Mart x 10) to get a few things. I left with a big, heavy bag and a large box at around 8pm. While wobbling home, I decided to stop at one of my favorite little food places. It's a small open window connected to a small, bright room. Behind the window is a woman, maybe in her 50's, who makes "special toast". As always, she greeted me with a smile. After placing my order (chicken toast), she motioned for me to come into the room and set my bag and box down since I was obviously struggling with carrying it. I walked into the room full of middle school boys, uniformed and tired since they had spent all day at school. They were watching a baseball game on tv while chatting in quiet Korean. As I stood in the room, I watched the woman making numerous sandwiches on the grill. She began to make mine--placed the metal square on the grill, cracked an egg into a small cup, gave it a quick whip, gently rubbed some melted butter on the metal square, dumped the egg in, placed the bread onto the grill, turned on the gas burner beside the grill, placed the chicken into the pan on the burner, etc. While doing this, she was still flipping the bread for the students' sandwiches, placed the ham on, then the sliced cabbage, a few pickle slices, some sauce, etc. She glanced over at the tired boys, walked to the fridge, poured them small cups of Coke, placed them on a tray, and then slid the tray to the boys. The boys' faces lit up--this was obviously not part of their usual meal, just a special treat.

It was at this moment that my eyes started to tear up. There was something so genuine, graceful, and beautiful about this woman. She managed to handle a stressful task calmly, was considerate of my well-being despite the language barrier, and she had a deep, unspoken compassion for the young boys which she showed through her small, but generous gift to them. This beauty--this internal, truly good beauty--is what brought me to tears. This woman was sharing her beauty with others without wanting anything, not even slight recognition, in return. In this moment, I was moved, inspired, and thankful to have seen a glimpse of, and been reminded of, what TRUE beauty is.

-------Beautiful People Part 2--------

On another occasion, I witnessed truly beautiful people, but in a much different way than the first. It all started when my friend George asked if I'd like to go check out the opening night of BIFF -- the Busan International Film Festival. Of course, I jumped on the idea and headed out. I went to grab some hot noodle soup at a small restaurant near Haeundae Beach. While eating, I noticed that there was some red carpet event on the small tv across from me. As I watched closely, I realized it was BIFF! They were having a full-on red carpet event (very Grammy-esque). Now, mind you, I'm sitting, slurping down messy noodles while wearing black pants and an over-sized white sweatshirt with a cartoon man's face on it--not exactly red carpet attire. Despite my ridiculous wardrobe, I met my friends and ventured over to the BIFF building in Centum City. When we got there, the event was over, but there were still lots of news stations with cameras and a small crowd. George decided to wander into the building to get his press badge while my friend John and I waited patiently. Well, I noticed that some man and woman, dressed impeccably, had come out of the building and people were getting pictures with them. "They must be important!" I childishly thought and went over to get a picture with them. Come to find out, it was Benito Bautista and Emma Francisco, the director and script consultant of a BIFF film titled, Harana (English translation: Serenade). They explained to us that the film was a documentary about the lost art of Filipino serenade--how in the past, men would come to a woman's house in the middle of the night and serenade her with music to profess his love. In the film, a Filipino native hunts for the masters of the art of "harana" so they can play and record some of the beautiful, original songs of harana together. Intrigued at the film's concept, and surprised by the humble attitude of this lovely couple, I knew I had to see the film.

And so I did! Let's just say, 5am is an early time to get up and get ready to stand in line to see a film. But, it was worth it! The documentary was incredible. It made me laugh, cry, melt, etc. Each scene was beautifully shot, the music was chilling in a good way, and the story was beyond touching. Watching these older men, men who used to be such great, true lovers and musicians in their time, follow their dreams years later and sharing their culture and music with a younger generation--it was...inspiring! After the film, I was able to learn a lot more about these men and the experience of making the film through the Q&A session with Benito, and also by discussing it with Benito and Emma after the Q&A session. On top of it all, I was able to meet two of the musicians at a concert that was held later as a special BIFF event. I heard them perform and then talked to them afterward. They were great!

While at the concert, I saw Benito and Emma again. Emma came up and hugged me, while kindly thanking me for coming. There was something so genuine and sweet about this couple--Emma and Benito. The way he passionately discussed the documentary, and the way she quietly but positively supported it as well--it was sincere. True sincerity is rare, in my opinion. I may not know these two, or their relationship, but there seemed to be a strong, compassionate love between them along with a true sincerity in the way they worked, in the way they met and treated people, in they way they just were. I felt so incredibly blessed to have had met such amazing people and to have seen such real BEAUTY. These two, to me, were truly beautiful people.

-------Beautiful People Part 3--------

Last but not least, I found true beauty (along with a hellllllll of a lot of other things) in a place I least expected: Eden, a Japanese film about transvestites. As always, allow me to explain... :)

A few of my friends and I have been eager to see another BIFF film before the festival is over. However, due to the ridiculously long list of films, it's been difficult to pick and choose while coordinating times, etc. So, when my friend Bryan made a post about seeing this film called Eden, I was in! I didn't know much about it, but I knew it must be interesting in one way or another to be in BIFF at all.

Well, "interesting" would be a very mild word to describe the film. The opening scene took place in a small club with a few Japanese transvestites practicing their lip-syncing performance. The bright colors, feather boas, and giant heels made it difficult to concentrate on the English subtitles--so it was a struggle at first. It had a bit of a comedic tone to it, until one of the transvestites dies in a friend's bed in the second scene due to heart failure. Soooooo, I had no idea what to expect next.

In the end, the film was a journey. It made me laugh, cry, contemplate life, question beauty and perspective, etc.--the things normal films never make you do. There was one scene that spoke to me in particular, when the group of transvestites had banded together to take the body of their deceased trans friend to his/her parents (who had originally refused to bury the body in their family plot due to the sexuality issue). As the father and son angrily shooed the friends away, the mother ran out to the coffin, crying hysterically, telling her son/daughter how beautiful they were. This tugged at my heart, intensely. It was a moment when even the most conservative of conservatives was able to see past surface issues and look into the true beauty of person and find love for them. This moment not only spoke to me personally, but made me really question the idea of beauty. I may not always know what beauty is, but I do know what beauty is NOT. Beauty is not what a person does to change their outer appearance, it's not choices they make that some may agree or disagree with, and it's NOT feeling like you aren't good enough because you are different. Beauty comes from within a person--it's always there, it's just US who make it invisible. It's the ones who refuse to see past outer appearances/decisions who are truly blind to real beauty.

As I watched the film, these oddly-dressed, over-makeuped, flamboyantly flamboyant transvestites, who at first may have seemed as far from beautiful as possible, slowly became some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. It's not because they changed throughout the film, it's because I changed throughout the film. I was able to see past my judgmental blinders, and see into their hearts--which is where beauty is. I would say, to say the least, that this film has served its purpose. It opened my eyes and made me think about my perception and ability to see beauty--I'm thankful for that.

------------------------------------------------------

I'm really starting to view beauty in a different way, and I hope that this change continues. I'm not going to lie, it's extremely difficult to see past a person's outer appearance, especially when that's what you've done for so long. But, I think it's possible. I think that meeting truly beautiful people is a great reminder of what beauty really is and where it comes from. It's just up to me now to remember that. :)