The Little Things.

From a young age, we believe that life is full of dramatic, emotional moments that will be the things we remember most. I'm finding that though those significant moments do indeed shape us, the smaller, more overlooked aspects of life are the ones that we'll remember the most.  I look back at my 25 years and I can see how important events changed my thinking, emotions, relationships, etc. But, for some reason, there are numerous small, seemingly less significant, moments that I remember in such specific detail--why?  Maybe it's because those smaller moments are the ones that are slowly, but surely, changing our emotions in a more permanent way rather than a sudden, temporary emotional effect.  Or, maybe it's because those small moments are the aftermath of significant events in which we change and grow progressively with the people around us.  I really am not sure, though I bet there has to be some study that can provide an answer more thoroughly than one I can come up with.  Nevertheless, I'm learning that it's important to value those little details of life, not overlook them, because they ARE important.  

When I decided to move to South Korea, one thing stuck out in my mind:  the expectation of having exciting, significant, life-changing moments throughout my experience--those being what I would learn from the most.  Well, when I ended up with a sore throat and ridiculous allergies my first few weeks in, that fantasy was crushed and reality set in.  While my friends were meeting for dinner, I was stuck at home with a wad of scented, snotty toilet paper, a cup of hot tea, and a tv complete with 50 channels all in a language I don't speak/understand.  On top of all this, I went to message my friend on facebook and at the top of the webpage was a picture of my ex-boyfriend's new, adorable baby. Seriously?  Nothing like kicking someone when they're already down.  This is when something happened!...

At this moment, I went into a totally dramatic "Why me? My life sucks!" mode. Embarrassed as I am to admit it, it is true. Hey, we can't all be rational 100% of the time, right?  Well, thankfully I had one of my friends there with me who listened as I blabbed on about the situation and why I was so distraught over it.  As I impatiently waited for his comfort and support, he remained silent.  What?!?! Why wasn't he giving me some emotional backing-up? Uh, how dare he!  "What do you think?" I asked. He hinted that what he had to say wasn't very kind. "Be honest with me, please" I insisted.  Still expecting some agreement with my sob story, I egged him on until he shared his thoughts. "I think you're being dramatic", he said.  MEEEEE!?!?!  DRAMATIC!?!?! What!?!?! He continued to explain, in a more eloquent way than I can, that sometimes things happen and you just have to move on and let them go. He also pointed out that letting it affect me emotionally wasn't letting it go.  Hmmmmm.  Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Wow, he was right. At that instant, I realized how ridiculous I was being. I was purposefully putting myself into the "leading lady" role of someone else's drama.  I was also letting something that doesn't really matter to me, matter just because I thought it should.  Right then and there my emotions changed. 

This is when I realized something--sometimes we are trained to think that these big, dramatic events should be the ones that have the most significant effect on us, but that's not true.  There were so many other smaller things going on in my life that were having a bigger effect on me and my emotions.  It didn't matter that I had been emotionally affected by these people and situations in the past--that was the past. Because of holding onto my past, I had continued to keep a wall up to keep my emotions safe.  However, I realized that a wall won't protect me from the pain of my past--moving on will. I hadn't realized this until now.  Now, I had a new chapter of my life with people who I really started to care about.  Letting go of things that happened in the past was the only way to be able to open myself up for the things of the present/future.  I guess I just needed a little verbal butt-kicking to make me realize all of these things. :)  

I really am beginning to love my new friends and life in Korea, and not because we have a bunch of crazy, exciting events happening, but because of the little things.  Here are a few SMALL  things that seem to make me happier than any big, exciting event thus far:

• Katie and her broken, almost folded-in-half umbrella--she can't part with it, even if it doesn't keep her dry, because...it's pink.  Also, Katie's excitement when she found "porridge" at Costco--like finding a long, lost lover!
• Fran's ability to be absolutely crazy and free-spirited while still being the smartest  one around!  :)  
•  When someone wakes up and brings me a glass of water, even though I know they're thirsty too, just because they're considerate.
• When Matty sings the "I Want to be a Dinosaur" song with his British accent, hah!
• When Tonya says "I've never had it" and I say "Yes you have!" and she just smiles, doesn't get mad.  Or, when Tonya and I both think of the Green Tea Frappaccino from Starbucks at the same time and get big smiles on our faces without having to say a word.
• When Katie and I imitate Graham's "FOOOOOOD" and "go-to" face
• When Daniel never ceases to do something surprising while out--a Hawaiian traditional dance in front of everyone at the beach, a dance-off with Koreans at Ho Bar, etc.
• When Alex says something and his hair moves at the same time with his grin, almost like he's animated.  Gets me every time! ... "Eggshellent!"
• When my co-teacher leans over to tell me something serious, and says that every month he buys 50 giant water bottles, so if there's a zombie attack, I can come to his place to survive.
• When me and three of the other Korean teachers sit and drink coffee together after lunch and chat about makeup and men while trying to de-code each other's language.
• When students bow to me then realize I'm American so they say Hi at the same time--adorable.
• Changing my voice so it sounds like either a cat or dog on my Kakao talk with my sister--she was soooo freaked out!...It's so Korean!
• Having to go to school , though no students are there, during a typhoon--insanity!

So, as I'm learning, it's important to focus on the present, not expect big events to be the only things that effect you, and place a little more value on the smaller moments that may be more significant than you think.