(NOTE: My last post was about finding inspiration through noticing the sunset. This blog post is a continuation of that, an extension, by encouraging you all to demand more from the sunset.)
As I sit here in my bed, thoughts are running through my mind, making sleep an impossible goal until I have written these thoughts down and shared them with the world (or at least you!).
Yes, it has been far too long since my last entry, and I will make up for lost time eventually with all the beautiful and sad details of my adventures over the past year. However, right now I must express the thoughts that are practically pouring out of my being, hoping that they will help both you and I to understand ourselves more, life more, and possibly be reminded of something we may have forgotten.
------STAGNANT--------
It is easy in life to become stagnant--to be stuck in a moment or place (metaphorically, not literally) in which everything around us is moving and changing but we are still the same, untouched or unaffected. In these moments, we seem to have lost the flow of interest and passion that drives us to keep moving, to keep growing and changing, to keep feeding our inner hunger for life. I am guilty of this as well. Sometimes, especially when obligations such as money and or work start to take over all of our thoughts and time, throwing us off balance, we become distracted and weighed down, thus stuck in one place. This become somewhat of an illness, affecting all elements of our being. It can hold us back from the natural flow of life.
When we become trapped in these moments, it is important to reach out and find a reminder of a part of you that may have been temporarily forgotten. This could possibly be doing something that inspires you, hearing a song that makes you feel alive, doing something you have never done before, etc. And when even the tips of your fingers make contact with this vessel of inspiration, you instantly are able to unfreeze from your stagnant state, as if waking up from a long, dreamless slumber. Then, you are able to see clearly again, feel deeply, and feel alive once more.
As of late, I have been overwhelmed with my obligations in life. I moved to a new country (Sweden) and started a new job (teaching at an international school) the DAY after I finished my old job (teaching at an elementary school) in another country (South Korea). Not only did I have to jump head first into a new job, but I also had to leave the life I had built over the past two years and start a new one. I had spent so long trying to adjust, understand, and find my place in Korea and once I finally had, I left. I had built the most incredible friendships, I had finally learnt the public transportation routes to all of my favorite places, and I had established a comfortable life. However, in the matter of one day, I left my life behind with only two small suitcases and memories to bring with me on my next journey. Along with all of this, I was also faced with challenge of being in a completely different culture. The culture in Sweden is almost opposite of that in Korea. Neither is better nor worse, just simply different. And, on top of everything else, my ability to speak English had deteriorated (considering I hadn't worked in an environment where more than two people spoke English somewhat fluently in two years). I was faced with the challenge of trying to express the millions of thoughts running through my head with a weakened vocabulary and a lot of pressure to be precise. After all, I AM an English teacher, right?
All of these things are just natural parts of a traveller's life, and the experiences I have had make these drawbacks seem minute. However, when faced with all of these challenges at once, it is easy to become overwhelmed and lose focus--as I did. Even now, months into my job, I still have moments of feeling overwhelmed which cause me to use most of my free time to complete work rather than doing something that inspires me. This is how I became/become
stagnant.
-------INSTANT OF INSPIRATION-------
As mentioned before, the best method that I have found to break this stagnant state is a moment of inspiration to remind you that you are, indeed, alive. It is the kickstart needed to recharge the uniqueness that naturally flows through you.
Mine came in the form of a hand-written letter.
Today I received a letter from one of my best friends (and yes, I use the term "best" friend because this person deserves a plethora of words to describe how incredible she is, though the word "best" will suffice for now). It was not the mere joy I felt from receiving an actual handwritten letter (which are definitely underestimated; a hand-written letter can change the world) that inspired me. It was something else. At the end of the letter, my friend said something that was exactly what I needed to hear to bring me back to life. The message was as follows:
Tiffany, I love you forever and miss you everyday, I'll leave you with a quote we both LOVE:
"Perhaps the only difference between me (us) and other people is I've always demanded more from the sunset."
With two simple lines, her expression of love and one of our favorite quotes, everything changed. I guess that is what friends are for: to remind you of who you are and what your calling is when you lose your way.
-------SEEING SUNSETS-------
I did not realize I had been in a stagnant state until I read the last few lines of my friend's letter. Upon reading the quote, tears welled into my eyes and slowly made their way down my face. It was the first time I had cried in months. I was not crying over the sadness of being away from the people I love; I was crying for the fact that the emotion of feeling overwhelming thankful to be alive filled me. In that instant, I felt my blood pumping through my veins. It is not that it had ever stopped moving, I had just stopped noticing, stopped appreciating it.
I was reminded of how incredible it feels to have people in my life who inspire me, who love me, and who I love in return. Along with this, I was also reminded of a key element of who I am: passion.
Sometimes I allow others to dilute my passion because it is unfamiliar to them, too much for them, and sometimes the unknown can be frightening or push people away. But, this is me. As I have mentioned before, I always feel things in extreme ways and my life seems to follow that pattern as well: really hot or really cold, love it or hate, madly in love or heartbroken, energetic about the thrill of being alive or completely stagnant. I rarely find myself in an in-between state. Being inspired by the things around us, and allowing it to fuel our passion, is one thing. However, being able to take that passion and multiply it, demanding more from it, is so important.
Some may say this is unhealthy, but I prefer to think that it fuels my ability to see life in a unique way. That is why I was so moved by the quote that my friend reminded me of. I don't think it is a bad thing to demand more from the sunset--to demand more from life, desire brighter colors from the things we already find inspiration from. We are told our whole lives to be thankful what we have. But, this sometimes gets misinterpreted as encouragement to stop once we have achieved one or our goals or a point which society believes is successful, happy, or a "good life". However, it is possible to be extremely thankful for your situation in life, but to still demand more from it. I am not talking about material things, I am talking about demanding more when it comes to what we get out of life. I don't want to accomplish one goal and then stop, I want to continue setting new goals and dreams for myself and working to make those come true. I don't want to only be a good teacher, I want to be a good writer, friend, daughter, sister, artist, speaker, etc. too! I don't want to live abroad in one place and then settle down; I want to travel the world and continually add to the incredible experiences I have had while doing so.
This idea of demanding more from the sunset, from life, is what makes my own life constantly moving (apart from those temporary stagnant moments). It is what allows me to leave an incredible job and life in America to take a chance by moving across the world alone. It is what also allows me to then up and leave the life I built in Korea and move on to the next chapter of my life. Allowing passion to run through your veins and touch every part of your body is not a bad thing, in my opinion. It is what has made my life completely unpredictable and surprisingly brilliant.
And so, my challenge and wish for you is to do the same. Find your passion, your inspiration, and allow it to flow into your bloodstream and pump strongly throughout your veins. Don't let the obligations of life hold you back from what life is really about. Don't allow yourself to become stagnant as you foggily watch the world move around you. Use the inspiration around you! And don't accept average. It is okay to have more than one dream in life, to accomplish more than one of your goals, to hope for even more incredible experiences despite whether you've had a few or not.
Never be afraid to demand more from the sunset, to demand more from life!
xoxo
